starting off my summer right...

by getting in the most trouble of my life. basically i said id be home by 10 30 P.M. i came home at 6:30 am. cops were involved, my best friends were out all night with my parents searching for me... etc etc. can't write what i was actually doing just yet... ugh. im not a bad kid AT ALL... i just coulden't say no. im grounded, no car, etc etc. lifeguarding and summer school is all i've been doing and i really just need an outlet. everytime i see someone driving i get SO JEALOUS which is insane i know... but idk.

hope you guys are doing better than me.

more later.

so last night it happened. you plan and think and dream about what will happen when you run into your ex. not your ex that you dated a month last summer, or that guy you hooked up with over winter break. THE ex. the first love, first heartbreak ex.  the one you think you're over, the one you THINK you aren't in love with anymore. we dated for a year and for the last six months constantly fought. so when he went away for the school year, i never had to run into him, or worry about it. yesterday i dyed my hair darker and it looks pretty good. my best friends and i got all dressed up and went to some carnival near my house thinking that we'd meet new people and it'd be fun. no one really looked familiar but we got in line for tickets anyways when suddenly i saw him.. and the cutest little brunette holding his hand. he didn't see me, but my friends already knew he was there and immediately yanked me out of the line and towards the back of the carnival. i was in shock for a few minutes and then decided to just fuck it. he hadn't seen me and it was MY night. so we went back.. and then he saw me. so did she, and he made eye contact with me, and just turned around. steered his little slut of a girlfriend so their backs were towards me and walked off. i swear to god, i haven't been that upset in a while. i literally walked straight to the parking lot and sat on a hill with my best friend julia ( things got resolved obiv) and just sobbed

this is where it gets good

i had left all of my stuff in my friends car who didnt want to leave so i called my mom to come get me. all i had to say was he's here. and she immediately came. while we were waiting, my friend wanted me to come back to get her keys. julia and i started walking back and look straight who i run into. i was about 50 feet back so i went and turned and hid behind a car... which turned out to be hers. i shouldve just picked up and kept walking but something about the cocky smile he was giving me while his hands were all wrapped around her hips really fucking got to me. i looked at her flicked her off, and said fuck you. he looked at me and said what are you doing? i said go to hell his first and last name. and kept walking. they drove away and i went home and cried for hours. i'm still really fucking hurt.

 

last night i threw a surprise party for my friend vanessa complete with lap dances, beer, and drama of course.

she had a GREAT time but later that night we all went to ihop. i ended up getting in a HUGE fight with my best best friend julia, who i've been friends with forever. the fight was completely stupid about how we aren't as close anymore and stupid shit like that.

we were in the parking lot when it happened and i was so pissed i was getting in my car and she yelled at me that its over, she didnt want to be friends. i drove off and havent talked to her since.

so so gay. i really don't know what to do. i mean she told ME that she didn't want to be friends. so i won't go back to her to apologize, i did nothing wrong.

anyone know what to do?

is work. and i LOVE lifeguarding really i do. but the pool is so freaking dramatic this year between all the guards, the constant health inspectors, and the management. i really have no time to go to the barn as much as i want to and study for exams. i need the money to pay for gas though so i guess its a good thing. two days til summer offically starts, two months til illinois and california!

illinois is having this HUGE concert called lollapolloza that my 3 best friends and i are going to, and california with my family to hollywood.

its going to be an amazing summer

. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring? no
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? one year
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? i have no ieda
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE? hah of course
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? this weekend
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? gas omggg
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? bagel at panera
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? eyes
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? seventy times seven
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: BR.
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: sprint
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: nordys.
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: lifeguard
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE? i do
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?: hah sometimes
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED: no idea
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:juls.
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND: this morning
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: mcDs.
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD: no idea...
23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS? probably bagel shop considering we are always there
24. CAN YOU COOK? no
25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?: ford explorer
26. BEST KISSER: hmmm
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: a few days ago
28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS: chips
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: im outgoing
30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: slacker
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?: 4:30 to 10 at the pool
33. FAVORITE MOVIE? pretty in pink
34. CAN YOU SING? no
35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED? the cure!
36. LAST KISS? yesterday
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED: knocked up
38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT: celllll
39. FAVORITE vacation spot BVIs
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?: laptop
44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?: dane cook!
45. DO YOU SMOKE? sometimes
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? with
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?: hahh
48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?: nah
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE? never!
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST? pancakes
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?: yesssssssss
52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? scrambled
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?: very much
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?: greg
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?: pete
56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?: "yah im leaving the airport now"
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?: 2
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: pink shirt skinny jeans
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC: "Just try your best, try everything you can
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away" the middle

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?: grape
62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?: very well
63. CAN YOU SWIM? id hope, im a lifeguard
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?: strawberry
65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS? no
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: i have blue eyes
68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?: yes
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON summer
70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? today
71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ? 8
72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?: hot chocolate
73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?: never
75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?: angel
76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?: johhny & orlando? cool
77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?? idk its monday
78. BIRTHDATE 9/3
79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE: public relations
85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?: no
87. ARE YOU SMILING?: hah now i am
89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW yesssss
90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO? london again
92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?: yes
93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?: thats a gay name for it
94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME? hunter
95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?: white, pink, blue, i have lots
96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?: no september
97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?: nah
98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?: yesss
99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER yes
100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?: no
101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?: no
102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL? yess
103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW? yess
104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING? none
105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY? idk.

so we hooked up. first week was great blah blah blah and then hes gone? so two weeks im starting to get PISSED. i finally talk to him. turns out he thought i'd want a relationship blah blah he "heard stuff about me" and he really wants to be friends and hang out. i told him flat out that i didn't regret it, i'd liked him for two years, and that he was being an asshole.

i'm glad i said it, but at the same time its a lot to deal with. its kind of an emotional rollercoaster to tell someone EVERYTHING. i handled it pretty well though, and didn't yell or cry.

 

now he might or might not be working with me.

who knows.

so we hooked up. first week was great blah blah blah and then hes gone? so two weeks im starting to get PISSED. i finally talk to him. turns out he thought i'd want a relationship blah blah he "heard stuff about me" and he really wants to be friends and hang out. i told him flat out that i didn't regret it, i'd liked him for two years, and that he was being an asshole.

i'm glad i said it, but at the same time its a lot to deal with. its kind of an emotional rollercoaster to tell someone EVERYTHING. i handled it pretty well though, and didn't yell or cry.

 

now he might or might not be working with me.

who knows.

june already! only 14 more days of school : ) hah. so for the past two weeks i've been sulking and bitching about the situation with that guy. FINALLY i worked up the nerve and had a 45 minute conversation with him to clear it all up. i seriously told him EVERYTHING about how i felt and what was going on, thinking i'd only see him for a week and then he'd graduate and i'd be happy knowing that i told him. turns out... hes working with me at my pool. all. summer. and i'm a FULL TIME guard. that would ONLY happen to me.

 

more details later.

 

girl meets boy. girl likes boy for two years. they maintain "friendship"talking sometimes, sometimes not.

FINALLY hookup, whole school somehow finds out. boy is in the process of brushing it off. asks girl to hang out thursday. never calls. girl still likes boy... confused.

 

thats mostly whats been stressing me out lately. advice?

girl meets boy. girl likes boy for two years. they maintain "friendship"talking sometimes, sometimes not.

FINALLY hookup, whole school somehow finds out. boy is in the process of brushing it off. asks girl to hang out thursday. never calls. girl still likes boy... confused.

 

thats mostly whats been stressing me out lately. advice?

are awful. but my friends decorated my car last night with car paint, it was a good way to start off the morning : )

more drama with the one girl... but i think i'm holding my own. she claims she didn't do anything wrong, bullshit.

 five days til prom! i seriously can't wait.

43 days til summertime. sweet life.

this is so so frustrating. everything is so stressful right now, i'm having panic attacks all the time these days. i'm too freaked out to actually say what i need to, so until i get things undercontrol i guess this is going to keep happening. oh man.

thursday really is my favorite day of the week. its right before the weekend, everyone is in a good mood and thursday nights i work which i LOVE weirdly. lifeguarding will get so much better this summer though, i miss it. SATS are this weekend so my friday night will probably be boring. sat. howeverrrr we all have big plans to celebrate us making it through. i have to wake up at 5 to take them because my testing school is like three towns over ughhh. still drama with everyone but keeping lowerrrr then usual. 11:11!

i'm licensed! its fantastic : ) so much freedom.

the boyfriend thing fell apart this weekend... but whatever man. i'd rather be single for summer anyways. just kind of random and gay.

 

i hate this class, i learn NOTHING!

 

cross your fingers for me lately.

i started behind the wheel yesterday, so i get my license in a week! prom planning is stressful, same with school and the family.

i'm seriously ready to go to college already hah. yesterday was julia and i's FRIENNAVERSARY and she brought me a cake. it was actually an extremely random day with my psycho ex boyfriend and seeing people i haven't seen in a while!

hope everyone is good : )

leave me some comments! xo tayyy

in SAT PREP.

i feel like such a loner, i'm so new at this!

 hahah i found my prom dress this weekend, and hopefully julia is making a mindsay too so we can comment each others blogs.

i do have other friends, promise

Your Friends describes you as: julia says adventerous hahaha

 What is the fuel of your life (the thing that keeps you going)?: friends, horseback riding, shopping etc haha

Who would you want to spend the rest of your life with?: i'm 16 hahah i dont know!

 Your life reads like (book genre): ROMANCE

What makes you stressful?:school

 What is important? Your friends or your family? Be honest: family

 Finish the sentence, Rules are made to be?: broken

Describe your life in high school?: ups and downs hah

You gotta love high school, agree or disagree?: eh. good & bad times 

Would you rather be a superhero, a creative photographer, a brilliant scientist or an illed mannered bussinessman? why?:superhero

 What's the first thing people notice about you?: my eyes, i've been told

 What's the most irresistable in the opposite sex? The brain, the looks, the money or the fame? or ALL? why? ALL but i'm all for looks ahhah

 What's worst? Looking bad or feeling bad?: feeling bad.

 What is the best superpowers? read minds

What's important to you? time or money?: money

 Do you believe that the world is going to end? probably eventually?

Do people down you so much?: uh. no emo

 Would you rather be alone and write a poetry or be surrounded with a lot of people that you don't know but they're famous?: famous people!

 Are you a music lover?: yes!

 How can you prove it?: look how many concerts i've been to in the past year

 Have you ever thought what's it's like 400 years ago?: no hahah

If you have a time travelling machine, what year would you want to drop a visit?: go forward in timeee

 what if the guy/girl of your dreams lives in the 17th century and he/she's single and had like you too, would you stay with him/her?: yeah! that'd be sweet.

 

love love love sat prep.

Your Friends describes you as: julia says adventerous hahaha

 What is the fuel of your life (the thing that keeps you going)?: friends, horseback riding, shopping etc haha

Who would you want to spend the rest of your life with?: i'm 16 hahah i dont know!

 Your life reads like (book genre): ROMANCE

What makes you stressful?:school

 What is important? Your friends or your family? Be honest: family

 Finish the sentence, Rules are made to be?: broken

Describe your life in high school?: ups and downs hah

You gotta love high school, agree or disagree?: eh. good & bad times 

Would you rather be a superhero, a creative photographer, a brilliant scientist or an illed mannered bussinessman? why?:superhero

 What's the first thing people notice about you?: my eyes, i've been told

 What's the most irresistable in the opposite sex? The brain, the looks, the money or the fame? or ALL? why? ALL but i'm all for looks ahhah

 What's worst? Looking bad or feeling bad?: feeling bad.

 What is the best superpowers? read minds

What's important to you? time or money?: money

 Do you believe that the world is going to end? probably eventually?

Do people down you so much?: uh. no emo

 Would you rather be alone and write a poetry or be surrounded with a lot of people that you don't know but they're famous?: famous people!

 Are you a music lover?: yes!

 How can you prove it?: look how many concerts i've been to in the past year

 Have you ever thought what's it's like 400 years ago?: no hahah

If you have a time travelling machine, what year would you want to drop a visit?: go forward in timeee

 what if the guy/girl of your dreams lives in the 17th century and he/she's single and had like you too, would you stay with him/her?: yeah! that'd be sweet.

 

love love love sat prep.

sat prep again hahah i never do anything in this class.  my sister just dropped off cupcakes for me and julsss fab fab fab. and of course  i slept in this morning so i look awful.

love tay.